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It was a lovely September day. And I love September since it is my birthday month. The air was still warm, and summer was not giving up just yet. I was back from the holiday spent in Beverly Hills and ready to return to work. Lab and experiments were waiting. Part of my routine was doing yoga several times during the week. Not that I was or am a yoga expert, but I was performing it for a decade by that specific September day, so I can say that I was at least an excellent beginner. Anyway, I rolled out my yoga mat when my lunch break started and started an easy flow. The first five minutes passed quickly. When I was about to go into Warrior Two for a few breaths, I closed my eyes to enjoy the movement. And I do not know what happened then. Like my mind and my body disconnected from each other, and I lost balance. While falling backward, I reconnected my mind and body and tried to avoid hitting my head on the closet mirror. I tried to make my body roll into a ball, but one leg was still extended from the warrior pose. When I touched the floor, the knee of the extended leg made a sound of popping and snapping. Suddenly, I was completely present and in the moment. It has been almost two years since then.
And just like that, life can change in a split second. I have been evolving, but these last years have been much more intense. The experience of getting a more severe injury and, with that, the need to change my life so I could adapt to the circumstances brought more rapid developments that I could not predict, wish, or plan for.
There was a combination of experiencing the awakening, something that had happened several times to me, and becoming aware of the only constant in our lives- change.
Until we experience something that is either devastating, soul-crushing, unbearably hard, or uplifting, emotionally fulfilling, intensely energetically pure, we cannot experience the moment of being awake. Some people say they experienced the sense of being awake when they were in nature and felt deeply connected with it. Some that it came after a period of deep grief and depression. For some, it happened during spiritual sessions. Most people who want to feel the blissful joy of being one with everything think that the only way to do so is through spiritual practice: deep meditation, energy healing, prayer, and silence. However, many recorded events did not need this initiation. They spontaneously occurred while people walked, read a book, or sat in the park. Recently, my husband told me that while being outside and reading a book, suddenly, when he looked at the sky, blue looked bluer, and green from the trees looked greener. He was overwhelmed by peace and tranquility. Moments like this are the ones that count as being awake and fully present.
I mentioned earlier that my injury was, for me, in a sense, a moment of awakening. For several years before it happened, even though I was on a constant journey of self-improvement and growth, I was more asleep than ever. I was going through life like a robot, with automatic responses ready, whilst my higher self felt sad that she could not get to me. I cut her off. I was not allowed to be sensitive or be there for myself. It might have been dangerous for me to do so, or so I thought because I would lose the ticket for the world I wanted to live in for so long.
But then what happened was that when I entered the life I worked towards for so long, I was too exhausted to live it. Years of flight or fight mechanism left its mark on body and soul. And even though I was so happy with the situation that I was in, the years of not listening to my mind and my needs left me drained and not being able to enjoy my life. During one astrology session, the astrologer commented, very gently and smoothly, that it might be that the injury was self-inflicted. Unconsciously, of course, not intentionally. That was the final drop, and I noticed I needed to change something. I need to stop, take a breath, revise, and give myself a chance to heal. Not only my physical body but especially my mind and soul that suffered for so long.
I have changed many things since the injury, I certainly live an entirely different life than before, but there is still so much to do. Even though the moments of gratitude for small things each and every day are there, I am still working on my fears and my doubts, on being conscious of each and every thought and move, aka being aware of them, aka building up the muscles for becoming awake more often. Still working on allowing my higher self to talk to me.
We should never forget that self-improvement and self-growth is a never-ending process. Sometimes, we take two steps forward but face a challenge that we have not faced before, and suddenly, we are five steps back. We grow like never before until we push through the challenge, and then all is much better.
Our brain is a fascinating thing. It’s now known that plasticity helps us become better versions of ourselves. Still, it is also a vessel through which our conciseness comes through. Yes, this has yet to be proven, and many are against this proposition. However, conciseness and becoming awake are natural, palpable, and extraordinary, and we will prove them sooner or later. We should never give up on that and lose hope.
Take care of yourself.
Until next time.
Lots of love,
Selena
About me
Selena Đorđević-Marquardt
Scientist, writer, podcaster
Hello, my name is Selena, and welcome to my blog Alive and awake. I am so happy that you are here! 😊 I am a scientist, with a PhD in biochemistry, that is interested in how human brain functions at the biochemical level and how our brain’s wiring expands towards total awaking. Why do we become spiritual creatures? Why do we believe in God? And how that helps us ease brain health issues?
Alive and Awake 
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